


hug

by yeoyeo_ao3



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Love, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Moving On, Please read with caution, Sad Ending, Suicide Attempt, Tragic Love Story, Triggers, death from suicide, may be triggering, mentions of depression, sad angst, sad lee jihoon, sad woozi, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 01:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17930183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeoyeo_ao3/pseuds/yeoyeo_ao3
Summary: She left him behind. He wondered where it all went wrong.





	hug

**Author's Note:**

> The following AU/Scenario/Fanfic deals with the subject of death from suicide and depression. If you are easily triggered by mentions or references to these topics, please read something else or proceed with caution.

Emotions ran clear through her head. Not wanting anything to hinder from what she was about to do, she slammed the door shut, blocked it with her desk, and hoped the soundproof walls were enough to block out the noise. She began her countdown when she was sure things were right where they were supposed to be.

_"10..."_

There was so many things to live for but none of them kept her happy. Life grew burdensome rather than fulfilling.

_"9..."_

This grave sin was unforgivable. Heck, she was probably not going to enjoy a wonderful life in the afterlife. Instead, she was going to be burn in hell, where she belonged.

_"8..."_

Her breathing, slow and steady, kept her focus. She needed to do it, for the sake of everyone's happiness.

_"7..."_

Someone out there deserved him better. Someone else, someone better, will take the place she will leave behind.

_"6..."_

How could no one have noticed? The signs were all there, the symptoms loud and clear. Were they really that clueless or did they just choose to be ignorant?

_"5..."_

So many memories flashed before her eyes, each one bringing in a glint of hope and joy. Would she regret ever going through this?

_"4..."_

May 4, May 4. The day that would have marked the second anniversary of their young relationship. She promised him eight more but she just couldn't take it any longer.

_"3..."_

Apologies. She wrote so many apologies and sent it out to all of them. Did they get it? Did they read it?

_"2..."_

She read a letter from her young self back when she was still filled with dreams and goals. If only she had stayed as hopeful as she once was.

_"1..."_

The world was beautiful but it was filled with so much cruelty she couldn't bear with. No matter what he said, she could never shake off that feeling of loneliness and pain.

_"I'm sorry, Jihoon."_

She whispers to the air before the bullet shot through her jaw and out her skull. Her body landed with thud on the floor, her eyes wide open. Blood slowly seeped out the wound, soaking the carpeted floor. By the time the door was slammed open, it was too late.

"HIGHLY ACCLAIMED MUSIC PRODUCER Y/N DIES FROM SUICIDE"

All the headlines read. Every fan whoever heard her work, mourned for the loss. Flowers of every kind and color surrounded murals and vigils they held and dedicated to her. The most beautiful array of bright flowers, ranging from roses to carnations, adorned her picture in the funeral they held for her and the people she left behind. Each soloist or group in the Kpop industry, be it a friend of hers or a former client, sent their condolences and paid their respects through personal visits or flower wreaths.

Who? Who would have known that this would be her end? Who would have known that these thoughts ran through her head? Who, they all asked, who?

If anyone were to ask who was the most confused, the answer would be Lee Jihoon. Woozi to many Carats, Jihoon to the men behind Seventeen, and Ji to the girl who once owned his heart. She looked beautiful in the picture they chose, surrounded by such bright flowers, far from the pale bleeding body he saw the day they forced her door open.

He knew she was sad, he knew what dark thoughts ran through her head. But, he never realised just how bad it had all become. As he watched people bow before her and comfort him, Jihoon was left with so much guilt and regret. He thought he had done enough. He was there whenever she was so stressed over a song that was never quite right. His arms were her safe haven whenever it rained or when the winter was just so unbearably cold. His voice was her lullaby when the nightmares got too vivid or when the panic attacks grew worse.

He knew her every habit like the back of his hand. He saw through her actions or expressions better than anyone else, even her parents who sat beside him. So, why did he not see this coming?

They told him not to dwell on it further, to stop thinking about it and move on. He didn't know, he would not have known. She would never have told him. Yet, he still did. He continued to ask questions, wondered about what he could have done. The very moment he saw her dead never left his mind. Not even after the funeral nor after she was buried six feet beneath the ground.

Every waking moment, his mind would go over those same questions, that same scene. Through rehearsals, through interviews, even through nights he should spend focused on creating music. What was the answer? Where would he find it?

Days turn into months. Suddenly, it was comeback season. A new album would distract him. Right? Wrong. It never did. Neither did the singles, the promotions, and every other form of work he was expected to push through with.

His friends, colleagues, they all worried about him. They hear his screams every night as the nightmares reach their peak. The sobs he would try to muffle. The panic in his voice when a million thoughts began to cloud his mind.

Will it ever end? They all ask. Will it? The long periods of sadness, his grief, their pain. She was a dear friend, a member of the chaotic circus that was the music industry. To the public, she was a songwriting machine. To them, she was the very embodiment of the word joy. A literal light bulb especially during times of crisis. No one would have thought that the very girl who spouted dad jokes like there was no tomorrow, would grab a gun and shoot herself dead.

Months turn into years. Jihoon slowly recovered, the answer soon became clear. He came to accept the reality of her fate, forgave himself for his mistakes. He grew less panicked, less angry, less sad. As painful as it was, he chose to let it be a lesson he shall never forget. As his career grew, he became more aware of the dangers that came with it. And, just how negativity, pressure, and anxiety could turn one's soul to ashes.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an au I originally posted on Wattpad but decided to transfer here. 
> 
> If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts and want to seek help or talk to someone, please look up the local suicidal hotlines available in your region or country. Mental health issues are a serious matter and should not be taken lightly.


End file.
